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An Ode to Spiritual Gurus

A fascinating revelation on those who help us find our true selves!

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WHERNTO: notions 

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Eckhart Tolle reminds me of a cartoon character mole
I don't think he'd mind at all, he'd probably just say, LOL
He sits in contemplative silence for quite a lengthy fraction
Until he starts to stir and then we might just see some action

He talks about how to be aware and in the present
If you can manage this it is extremely pleasant
But when thoughts come, if you get really pissed
The essence of his teachings you likely have missed

Then there's Byron Katie whose whole name is confusing
Is it back to front, I mean, which first name is she using?
She asks you those four questions to discover what is true
This reveals your ridiculous thoughts and makes a fool of you

In the audience I waited to see which person she'd select
To go on stage and talk about the crap that they project
Unconsciously onto other people, so let's turn this around
I'm really rather ignorant it seems that I have found!

Wayne Dyer is the one who has the shiny head
And likes to talk about saints and people who are dead
I bought his DVD but then he changed its name
Can I have a refund or would he please keep it the same?

Then there's Deepak Chopra with words he likes to dance
But I just listen to his accent and go into a trance
Ever since I heard him read the "Love poems of Rumi"
The result being my not hearing a word he says … so sue me!

He's friends with Wayne Dyer, apparently they hang out
I wonder what they do and what they talk about
Is there some kind of club where spiritual gurus play
A few rounds of snooker and then levitate all day?

Maybe they play snap with every single Dali Lama's pic
Having printed each one twice to make a deck with it
As a particularly advanced version of the game
(Because if I'm honest they all look the same)
Or maybe they just sit around and talk about their fame

I recently went through a phase of Abraham Hicks
And became addicted to Youtube as I got my daily fix
Although calling Esther by a man s name comes off a little shady
Why call infinite intelligence Abraham when it's channelled through a lady?

And why does infinite intelligence have the surname of these people?
Did they adopt it and have it baptised at the steeple?
To take this in my stride I'm clearly very open-minded
Or maybe I'm just demented and seriously blinded

They say focus on getting into your core vibration
By thinking and doing what makes you feel elation
Even if it means having lots and lots of sex
Whatever it takes to get in that damn vortex!

To every person's question their answer is the same
You would think that this would get just a little lame
Yet I kept on listening to their cruise ships events
Whilst dreaming about the ocean and how it all makes sense

I also like that gentleman whose name is Darryl Anka
(I won't abuse fact that his surname rhymes with **)
He channels a multi-dimensional extra-terrestrial being called Bashar
Who talks about aliens and things that are bizarre

Bashar is very jolly whilst Daryl is quite mellow
So when the switch over occurs from Daryl to this fellow
I wonder if Daryl s acting because he's speaking all dramatic
I want to believe it's real but must also be pragmatic

I'm sure that him and Mr Warbucks from Annie are the same bloke
Is this some kind of synchronistic universal joke?
Is it just me who sees this or do any other folk?
Watching too much Youtube makes me feel like I'm on coke

Who in their right mind would turn to these teachers?
Are they really wise or just a load of preachers?
Sometimes it makes me saner, but often much more crazy
I should start thinking for myself, but I am just too lazy ;)

Just in case there's a mistake I feel I must conclude
The essence of my feelings so that I do not elude
Towards these human beings I feel much affection
Their teachings assist me in honest self-reflection