A posh store selling ornaments and precious stones was robbed. The police were unable to find the criminals and just marked it down to being a cajewelty.
It seems a chorus tenor went berserk during a performance of Don Giovanni when Don is dragged into the flames of hell. The tenor visibly upset started screaming in a loud and high voice FIRE FIRE! Panicking patrons trampled over each other clambering to escape. However there was no fire and Viennese police arrested the tenor on grounds of setting off a falsetto alarm.
Which reminds me that the king and queen of Spain were on a rather turbulent flight many years ago and kept slipping out of their seats, whence the well-known Learner and Lowedown expression "The reign in Spain falls mainly on the plane."
For instance, you can't trust tailors anymore. Why I had this friend who ordered a custom jacket and received a vest instead. Needless to say, he felt thoroughly desleeved.
Some people find eating dates have a real calming effect on them - they feel sedated.
This farmer spots a burglar on his property engaged in stealing.. He rushes out yelling, "Hay! Hay! Hay!". The burglar pleads with him saying, "Oh please do not report me I am out on bale." The farmer exclaims, "You guys always have an excuse - but this is the last straw!" The burglar replies, "Well, most people aren't as lucky as you - they go to school, then to loonyversity and they still can't find the work they were trained for - unlike yourself, who gets to work in his field." The farmer says, "Look I think you're stalling." The burglar retorts, "Well, I could be horse." So the farmer tells the burglar, "I think you're cowardly, but I'll give you a job anyway." The burglar feeling guilty exclaims, "Barn it all! I don't deserve it." However, he accepts and the two become friends after declaring a farmistice.
The ruler of a country sent out his messenger who got lost and wound up in the wrong kingdom. The queen received the poor fellow and said, "Emasorry, but this is not the place you are seeking."
Cathy bought herself a house and considered it her temple so she called it a Cathydral.
A lemur once had a big toe Which continued to grow and grow It became so long He had to hobble along So they called him LAMEur you know The above is an example of a LAMErick. If you don't like it don't bLAME me - I'm not cLAMEing that it is funny. You may as well just initiate your LAMEntations.
This person had severe constipation naturally as a result of animal protein consumption and finally went to an intelligent and friendly, strict vegetarian nutritionist who put him naturally on a strict vegetarian diet that in a short period of time got rid of the constipation (and also helped eliminate several other ailments that we all know about). Much relieved, he sincerely and accurately thanked the nutritionist exclaiming, "With friends like you, who needs enemas!"
So gangster Bugsie after a successful week's work goes to his boss (who recently turned veg and took up yoga) to collect his paycheck. His boss gives him a large bundle of organic celery and a jar of homemade organic veg dip to go along with it. A somewhat surprised Bugsie exclaims, "Hey Boss! What's this? You think I'm a bunny or something?" The Boss simply replies, "Om, no Bugs. It's your take home celery."
A couple of veggies didn't want to get married because their families wanted them to have an oranged marriage. So they took off even though they were told they cantaloupe.
There is a very important food combining dictum that says you should never eat cauliflowers and watermelons at the same meal. Doing so could make you meloncaulic.
People don't always know the many ways to eat cucumbers. They can be eaten raw or cooked or even pickled! The most important thing to do though is to cut it into smaller pieces because eating it whole is just cucumbersome.
I wanted to make a citrus drink and tried to call several fruits together, but the lime was busy.
Q: Prad, just how does a dedicated vegetarian gracefully exit a meeting, a get-together or a party? A: Well all he or she simply needs to say is, "lettuce leaves".
Q: Prad what vegetarian product can be helpful for cleaning teeth? A: I think it's called lentil floss.