Towards Freedom

While meditating, a picture of my sister, Maryann, flashed across my gaze. Maryann had fallen from a car going 60 mph when she was 4 years old. As a result of the accident she became brain-damaged and her eyes crossed. She was in a coma for 31 days and had to learn to walk and speak all over again. She was a constant source of anguish to my parents, who decided she would be the scapegoat for all of their problems. She rarely attended school and by the 8th grade she was expelled never to return to any formal education or home schooling. She began to drink a lot of alcohol at an early age which progressed to any and every type of drug. She was in and out of mental institutions as well as prison cells. She was the eldest child of seven and abused all of her younger siblings both physically and mentally. Just the same I loved her. None of my brothers or sisters shared my feelings for Maryann. As a matter of fact when she died, we were asked at her burial if anyone would like to say anything to her before she was lowered into the ground. My brothers shook their heads no, while my twin sister said that since she was unable to love Maryann in life that maybe God could love her for her. I said that I loved Maryann and would miss her terribly as she was very dear to me, then broke down sobbing. Why did I love this sister who had been cruel to me in so many ways especially when I did well or excelled in form of art, music, dance, academics or athletics?

When I was 12 years of age, a nun, named Sister Thea, had our entire classroom scribble a design onto a sheet of construction paper then find an object within the design from which to make a landscape. In my design, I had found a slipper that was gently sweeping among a forest floor of leaves. I drew and colored each leaf on my sheet of paper in brilliant autumn colors. The slipper took on a deep rich crimson red. Sister Thea loved my drawing, stating hands down I had taken first place in art class. I had a choice of icons as a prize and chose my favorite (as a child) which was the Infant of Prague. I ran all the way home from school in anticipation of showing my parents my drawing and statue. Upon arriving home the first person to see my picture was Maryann. I was so excited to show it to her and tell her how I had won first place and received a statue that I couldn't contain my joy. Maryann became extremely agitated while holding my drawing in her hands and proceeded to rip my picture into hundreds of scraps. I was in disbelief and while crying began to crawl on the floor desperately trying to gather the pieces in hopes of putting it back together for my parents to see. As a child I didn't grasp how anyone could be so cruel, as an adult I realized how jealous and inferior Maryann felt and that any achievement of mine was an affront to her.

As we children matured, I continued to love Maryann and of all 7 children I was the only one she cared about and wanted to be with. She was a wonderful aunt to my children and they adored her. She had a certain child-like innocence and was able to impart a lot of her gifts to my children that adults were not privy to. I became to understand Maryann by watching her interact with my kids. When my children got older she lost all interest in them, but she and I remained close. About a month before she died, at the age of 49, she had asked me if she started to drink carrot juice and eat vegetarian as I did would she ever look like me. From all her years of drinking and drug abuse her face had become mottled and puffy and her tiny frame was bloated. I told her she was already beautiful, but a healthy diet would definitely enhance her beauty. The day before she died she called to tell me that she had her first glass of carrot juice and was having salad and veggies for dinner. Before I began meditating this morning I was thinking of how I no longer have a relationship with any of my living siblings except my brother Kevin. Kevin who is deaf and blind in one eye and labeled mentally retarded is also a vegetarian due to my influence. I felt a little sad at the loss of ties to my other siblings, but at once recalled a statement a very wise soul had said to me: "It's alright to wait for someone as long as we don't wait with them." As I thought of that statement I felt peaceful and decided to meditate. While meditating Maryann's face flashed before me and I realized if she were alive today she would join Kevin and myself in the Animal Rights Movement. I wonder why it is that of all of my brothers and sisters only the 2 who were brain injured were able to see the unethical and immoral use of animals for food, while the others choose to turn a blind eye and deaf ear to such abuse.