The SatChats

#021

04/07/18

This was the most hilarious chat ever! You will soon see why if you can get through all of it. Just remember you have been warned!

Breaca entered right on time and started talking to herself because no one else was there. Sangeeta arrived soon after and started talking to Breaca. Now those of you who know Breaca and Sangeeta are aware of what an ominous pair they have the potential to make.

It started with Sangeeta trying to hide a bit of information from me: "i have a secret to tell you...don't tell prad ok? I did somethig really dumb that he would laugh at me about... i put my dress on the wrong way, and i was sturggling to turn it around the right was- and i whaced myself in the nose- and now i have a scab on my nose...lol! im sooo dumb!"

Now you must realize that Sangeeta had some sort of devious plan in mind, because when Breaca wondered whether I would see this she said: "yes...he will read this log...i'm doomed to be reported on the satchat i bet....sigh..."

Ok, so next they start discussing the dress a bit and Breaca comes up with this diabolical idea: "if prad laughs we will make him wear a dress to next weeks chat"

and sangeeta "bursts out laughing..trying to hold herself up-- giggle, giggle...straight face."

So now you know about the conspiracy and the conspirators! Growing impatient to execute this scheme, they figured they should call me so that I hurry up and get into the chatroom, but fortunately, Kyron appeared just then and they were both diverted. Kyron told them that he was pursuing chemistry as well as the crop circles and Sangeeta express a considerable interest in them. Breaca was just beginning to talk about the storms in her area, when Ranjana appeared and was promptly enrolled into the conspiracy.

Into all this came Larry and told everyone that he was going to give his first sermon next Sunday. He was a bit nervous, but very excited! Larry is also planning to attend a theological college in the future. After reading that Kyron was investigating crop circles, Larry expressed an interest in those as well and then proceeded to ask where I was.

That is when Breaca started the thing rolling: [breaca] "he is getting DRESSed"

with Sangeeta adding full support: [sangeeta] breaca>

Larry suspected he may have missed a good pun but all he got out of Breaca was "he he he".

It was under these disconcerting circumstances that I innocently entered the chatroom. I suspiciously eyed the greetings I received:

[sangeeta] pradtf> helllooooooo there...what took you so long? [breaca] Hellooooooooo Prad [papa_bear] Speak of the devil! {well that is quite understandable considering my profile photo} [imvegan] pradtf> we've been waiting for you.....

and then [breaca] you look nice today Prad

Thinking in my usual lightning fast fashion, I tried a stall tactic to give myself a chance to evaluate the situation: [pradtf] i am trying to figure out breaca's pun

and suspiciously saw that "breaca winks at sangeeta"

Luckily, I got a temporary respite because Larry wanted me to look at the excellent pun he had made on the forums ("What to call a group of ferrets may not be your concern, but it is the business of ferrets." a group of ferrets is a business), but when I returned Sangeeta and Breaca launched their conspiracy into high gear (hmmm such an appropriate way to put it as you will soon see):

[sangeeta] pradtf> breaca> well we should aDRESS the matter at hand shouldn't we breaca? [breaca] sangeeta> Prad is trying to skirt round the issue

and they were not surprisingly encouraged by Ranjana: [imvegan] sangeeta> breaca> you guys are Good!!

So they continued:

[sangeeta] breaca> it's all just disskirtting if you ask me! [breaca] sangeeta> he will give us a dressing down soon

Larry, trying to make the best of this confusion thought that I was "doing some experimenting with alernate attire ..." and you might well imagine my surprise at this comment!

Breaca tried to 'alleviate' Larry's concern: [breaca] papa_bear> do you think he looks pretty?

And Ranjana began her participation, making 2 puns though she possibly thought she made only 1: [imvegan] may be I can join the fray I find all this very disconskirting...

Then feeling guilty "breaca hides in the corner" for only a moment because her very next line was "ROTFL"

She continued: [breaca] who were you ad dressing Ranjana?

By now I was fully aware of this rather spinister attempt at humour at my expense, but I figured I'd better reassure Larry that I wasn't really into fashion: [pradtf] papa_bear> actually since i only wear shorts and tshirts even on the most formal occasions, i can't take any of the credit breaca is sending my way

and I valiently defended myself with: [pradtf] as you can see, breaca is attempting to put me under DuRESS

Sangeeta expressed her concern: [sangeeta] breaca> oh no, he's catching on....quick let's hide

and quite rightly so since I followed with the imaginative: [pradtf] but i don't find it too dressful

causing the trouser-wearing Breaca to "run to sangeeta and they hold hands"

Naturally, I strengthened my position by asking Breaca: [pradtf] breaca> so i suppose you've been panting then?

Breaca said that she was breathless with long and short pants because she and Sangeeta were hiding in the wardrobe and Ranjana quickly jumped in with: [imvegan] pradtf> ah.. you are repanting now are you..? {repanting = repenting}

I made the observation that: [pradtf] breaca> depending on what is in there, it could be a boredrobe

while Sangeeta came back with: [sangeeta] breaca> no, then we will be shoeing off...i'd rather find a place where no one will pantronize us....

So I reflected on the situation: [pradtf] this has become appantomine

Since the puns flowed freely and with mutual inspiration from here on, I will simply let you read the creative results and add commentary, in {} as before, only when there seems to be some obscurity in understanding the play on words.

[breaca] sangeeta> this could be a tight situation if he in vest igates us {tights are stocking-like contraptions and a vest is a device designed to hamper (yes that is a pun too) the breathing of men wearing suits}

[pradtf] yes it could be a closet call {a close call}

[imvegan] sangeeta> maybe you guys could run up to the panthouse to hide {penthouse is the highest level in an apartment building usually}

Larry who had stated earlier that he really wasn't good at puns, showed his newly found abilities starting with these beauties: [papa_bear] surely, we dare not und'resstimate the seriousness of this stitchuation {und'resstimate = underestimate and stitchuation = situation}

[breaca] we could go undercover {undercover refers to clothing disguises}

[sangeeta] breaca> we should tell him that we have a vested interest in all this... {there's that vest contraption again}

[breaca] do i have to admit to mistucking at school? {as in tucking in your clothing very appropriate considering that Breaca admitted earlier to Sangeeta in the chat to having tucked her dress into her underwear at school}

[pradtf] hiding undercover could be considered sheeting {sheeting = cheating}

[breaca] sangeeta> sock it to him {'sock it to him' is a common English phrase meaning to strike or hit}

[sangeeta] breaca> don't let prad throw threads at us....or else we'll have to sow what we reaped! {sow = sew which is where the threads come in}

[pradtf] that would be quite a feet {I figured I would follow through on the earlier 'sock' with feet = feat}

[pradtf] sangeeta> sow what if you have to {and add another sow = so this time}

Then Breaca pulled the excellent: [breaca] pradtf> of corset it isn't sheeting {of corset = of course, the corset being a contraption designed to hamper women from breathing}

[pradtf] sangeeta> you should be thready for all this {thready = ready}

[imvegan] this is a very slipper y situation {are slippers slippery?}

[pradtf] breaca> i see you have girdled the issue quite well {girdle, following up on Breaca's corset}

[breaca] * breaca will run away to Bra zil {Bra, following up on the girdle}

[pradtf] breaca> don't count ry on that! {count ry, following up on Brazil}

[sangeeta] breaca> no no...let's go down under-where the kangaroos hop! {under-where = underwear}

Larry had mentioned that he was having trouble making his own puns because he was so busy laughing at everyone else's so I said: [pradtf] papa_bear> i hope you can bear these puns

Breaca continued: [breaca] there are no flys on Prad {fly = front zipper on pants}

[pradtf] breaca> no there aren't because they are too busy zippering around! {well flies do zip around}

Sangeeta and Breaca were planning to hide in Larry's house so the former said to the latter: [sangeeta] breaca> sounds like he s cott some space in his little country for us! {he s cott = he's got, with cot being a type of bedding}

Then Larry came up with: [papa_bear] sangeeta> did you know that they have trained some kangaroos to be BOXERS? {boxer shorts are a type of underwear for men}

[breaca] who would wear kangaroos under their jeans? [papa_bear] imvegan> I thought it necessary to BRIEF you all on that matter. {briefs are also underwear}

[sangeeta] papa_bear> i bet it would sock it they boxed with humans.. {sock it = suck if, i think that is what was meant here and boxed connecting with boxers}

[imvegan] papa_bear> yes, I appreciate the SHORTS {shorts are also pieces of information}

[papa_bear] sangeeta> especially down under {well, shorts are worn down under so to speak}

[pradtf] breaca> well only a jeanius would consider doing so {jeanius = genius}

[breaca] papa_bear> you could sing a thong about it {thong = song, thong being a type of underwear or bikini bottom}

[breaca] has this thread reached rock bottom? {which is why bottom is mentioned}

[pradtf] breaca> that's would have to be a slippery thong {but thongs are also a name for slippers}

[breaca] papa_bear> no bum notes {again a reference to bottom}

[imvegan] breaca> sew... this is what we've come to... {sew = so}

[sangeeta] imvegan> i must say Ranjana, u must cut back on the shortening...it's starting to shoe on your belly.... {shortening is a fat and shoe = show}

[pradtf] sangeeta> lardy lardy! {the expression is lordy lordy! and lard is a shortening}

[breaca] papa_bear> sorry {for making so many bottom references}

[papa_bear] breaca> no asspology nece ary {adding his own bottom allusions though i don't know what is meant by nece ary}

[breaca] imvegan> i didn't mean to needle you {back on the sewing theme, needle meaning to bother someone}

[pradtf] breaca> are you blushing because you have mascaraed the english language? {mascaraed = massacered while mascara is the goopy make up stuff put around the eyes}

Then followed a period when everyone congratulated each other on their excellent performances and Sangeeta pointed out that one who makes puns is called a pundit (a learned person) with a punchant (penchant or disposition) for plays on words.

Then Sangeeta brought us back to the clothing theme: [sangeeta] EVERYONE>personally i think EVERYONE here should be in a straight jacket! {straight jacket is what they restrain people in}

complemented by Ranjana's: [imvegan] sangeeta> are you shirt about that?

and Larry's: [papa_bear] sangeeta> I was going INSANE trying to think of a way to do one with 'jacket' {the straight jacket is usually used on people who are thought to be mentally ill to the point of being uncontrollably violent}

and my: [pradtf] papa_bear> just jacket up one notch {jacket = jack it}

More compliments to each other: [breaca] everyone is good, to a fashion {clothing theme again}

[papa_bear] imvegan> it wasn't thimble {thimble = simple as Larry pointed out, but it can also be nimble of mind for instance}

[sangeeta] rgoudie> we are all just needlelessly chatting... {the needle used again, but differently}

Ray came at this point and people explained what was going on: [sangeeta] rgoudie> about a dressing prad... {a dressing = addressing}

[imvegan] rgoudie> it's sort of hard to do... take a look at the converstion.... it'll keep you in STITCHES !!!! {stitches meaning in laughter}

[pradtf] sangeeta> yes a real WARdrobe {war because we were all engaged in this verbal battle}

Breaca then said that she had to leave to wash her hair, so Sangeeta used the opportunity: [sangeeta] breaca> dont be a washout!!!! i wanted you to stay with me forver...now it's just washful thinking! you are in a hairy situation!

as did Ranjana: [imvegan] breaca> oh, so do you have to go now? well, don't be abraid {abraid = afraid, with braid as in hair}

as did I: [pradtf] sangeeta> don't worry, she won't commit hairykari {harikari being suicide}

as did Michael: [Michael] pradtf> I just committed hairikiri {because he just got a haircut}

Breaca said she was looking for shampoo and got this from Sangeeta: [sangeeta] breaca> don't waste your time...it's all a sham you know!

Breaca flew off and Fjord ran in.

Then it all started again with Larry commenting: [papa_bear] I've been laughing so much I feel like I've PUNched in the stomach [pradtf] papa_bear> don't punish yourself that way [imvegan] papa_bear> such PUNishment!! {notice Ranjana and I used the same idea here}

[imvegan] pradtf> you stole my line... [papa_bear] you guys like that one? I thought it was a feeble, puny attempt {as in puny meaning small}

[pradtf] imvegan> apun my word! we both had the same idea! [pradtf] papa_bear> but it was attempting one {returning Larry's 'attempt' favor}

[imvegan] pradtf> you don't need to PUNctuate it that way [sangeeta] papa_bear> you've made my head sPUN so much...i don't know what to do with it! {another excellent pun on pun}

[papa_bear] pradtf> I was wide opun to the temptation! {continuing the tradition}

[sangeeta] pradtf> *hint* my pun to papa_bear was an opening just for you....i guess i am just ahead of the game... {what Sangeeta wanted me to do here was make a pun on head, but she went and did it herself}

[imvegan] sangeeta> you always get so heady !!!!! {and Ranjana did a variation on it}

[pradtf] sangeeta> i wasn't heady for it {so I didn't want to let her down hence heady = ready}

[imvegan] sangeeta> well I guess you were thinking of pawns.... {this time pawns = puns}

Rachel and Fjord joined us and Ranjana asked him: [imvegan] fjord> have you ever seen such opuning remarks?

so I pointed out: [pradtf] imvegan> he couldn't afjord not to

Ray couldn't take it anymore: [rgoudie] What is hapPUNing is that these guys all think that they are PUNny.

but Larry countered with: [papa_bear] rgoudie> don't punderestimate them!

I was so impressed that I just had to suggest: [pradtf] papa_bear> if you publish all this in a tabloid, would you become part of the papabearazzi?

which inspired: [papa_bear] pradtf> I was writing things down for the tabloid, but my pun ran out of ink. And of course my puncil broke.

followed quite naturally with: [pradtf] papa_bear> it's a heavy lead to bear {note lead = load and the double potential of bear}

[imvegan] papa_bear> maybe if you had been more PUNctual, this wouldn't have happened {another great variation on the pun theme!}

and more: [papa_bear] pradtf> what kind of crazy? schizopunia? multiple punsonality disorder? [sangeeta] papa_bear> prad> i haven't an inkling what you are all talking about {shifting the flow to the writing utensil}

[papa_bear] sangeeta> thINK it over carefully. {and picked up nicely!}

[imvegan] sangeeta> papa_bear>pradtf> what's the stINK all about? {another great follow-through!}

[pradtf] papa_bear> all that is very psychillogical {going back to Larry's schizopunia stuff}

[papa_bear] imvegan> you should pay closer a-stench-ion {an excellent connection to Ranjana's stink line}

[imvegan] papa_bear> ureeka!!! {an acknowledgement! reek means to smell}

[rgoudie] imvegan> What I reek of? {continuing this smelly theme}

[imvegan] rgoudie> I reekon, you understand {yet again reekon = reckon}

[papa_bear] imvegan> isn't that a quote from an ancient gREEK? {a little historical switch over}

[imvegan] papa_bear> I think you'd better diSMELL that myth {dismell = dispell keeping the connection to both the Greek mythology and the stink}

[sangeeta] imvegan> wow you seem pretty brainy today, what happened...is your head growing larger? or perhaps you are increasing in skull...hmmmm.. {a clever acknowledgement with skull = skill}

[pradtf] papa_bear> yes they were very creteive {creteive = creative going back creatively to the mythology of crete}

[papa_bear] I have sermon preparation material laying all around me. I wouldn't want this game to influence the puntification I'll be doing. {pontification means to express opinions or judgments}

[imvegan] sangeeta> I suppose you'd rather be aHEAD!! {returning the brainy comment}

[sangeeta] papa_bear> ohhh...you have a sermounting task ahead of you... {getting back to the sermon}

[pradtf] papa_bear> you could be the punminister! {and again}

Now Larry gets inspired in preparation for his sermon and will make several Biblical references: [papa_bear] I'll be preaching from the book of Phillipuns

[imvegan] Michael> is this too PUNchy for you? {Ranjana finds yet another variation on pun}

[fjord] imvegan> I was in my punkin garden; I had to save a bird {Fjord joins in}

[pradtf] papa_bear> a punderful opportunity [papa_bear] fjord> did it fall from its nest and get SQUASHed? {Larry goes into the garden too}

[imvegan] fjord> i guess the bird's life dePUNded on you...: {yet another!}

[pradtf] fjord> ya that would really be gourd bad {pumpkins is sort of a gourd = too}

[fjord] imvegan> hn. i was more pun ching the neighbour's cat while she tried to reach the nest {the explanation regarding the bird}

[imvegan] fjord> what a catastrophe !!!!! {going back to the cat}

[fjord] papa_bear> no they still are alive and innocent; in bothe houses I have a nest {this is interesting since there is letter sharing between 'both' 'the'}

[pradtf] fjord> but you catapolted the bird to safety {back to the cat}

[rgoudie] pradtf> Very immPRADsive. {Ray sends a compliment}

[papa_bear] rgoudie> I agree with your appRAYsal {and Larry acknowledges it}

[pradtf] rgoudie> thanks that was goudie of you to say so {and I return it}

[fjord] what is up with yoy all: pun strokes ? {as in sunstroke}

[rgoudie] papa_bear> Than you BEARy much. {ray acknowledges Larry's comment}

[pradtf] fjord> no we are just a bit luny {luny = looney but also as in lunar connecting with Fjord's sunstroke}

Now Larry puts his Biblical references into high gear: [papa_bear] our text this morning is from Phillipuns 2:27. "...God had mercy on him...so that I would not have sorrow upun sorrow."

[pradtf] papa_bear> you are going to revolutionize the JOB {getting a little encouragement}

[pradtf] papa_bear> you can be the puntificating preacher! {and a confirmation!}

[papa_bear] pradtf> with preaching like this, we'll get large NUMBERS of people into the church.

[imvegan] papa_bear> it will be very punoramic {from Ranjana too!}

[papa_bear] imvegan> I'm sure that's true. You're all great JUDGES of this sort of thing. [papa_bear] imvegan> I just hope the MICAHphone will carry my voice clearly enough.

[pradtf] papa_bear> well you are sure to rope them in with your larryate {a lariat is a lasso however the intrepretation could also be laureate which is an award winning writer}

[sangeeta] papa_bear> will they just be numbers, or NUMBers after the there the puntificating of the preacher... {variation on numbers}

[papa_bear] sangeeta> these Biblical puns are getting RUTHless [papa_bear] imvegan> thanks for not underESTHERmating me

[imvegan] papa_bear> you can COUNT on me {back to the numbers}

Rachel felt she had to make her contribution with what she said was the only pun she knew: [remora91] this was at white mills camp. i was standing in line to play carpet ball. this one girl had 2 balls in her bank. while she was serving the guy next in line took the two balls out and put them in his pocket. the girl who was playing saw this and said, - wait i ran out of room. Give me back my two balls I know they're in your pants!

She added: [remora91] It doesn't sound that funny now but it was hilarious then. we all burst out laughing. our minds are so twisted at this age.

[pradtf] remora91> simply aballimable! {helping out a bit aballimable = abominable}

Larry continued: [papa_bear] imvegan> I aim to please. I wouldn't want to hear any LAMENTATIONS about bad puns.

[pradtf] papa_bear> i don't think your congregation NOAHs what they are in for {noah = know}

and: [pradtf] papa_bear> i'm glad you are so ecclisiastic about it {ecclisiastic = enthusiastic}

Sangeeta announced that she was going have lunch so just as she left, I suggested she was off to eat continuously again. She found out though because my comment appeared on the screen before she left so she returned to give me trouble and Ranjana suggested:

[imvegan] sangeeta> that was fast food I guess

Sangeeta lunched (lunged) at me: [sangeeta] pradtf> i came back to tell you there is a pastability that i may be doing more that eating... [sangeeta] pradtf> so don't get saucey with me!

but I was fortunately able to distract her by telling her how clever she was: [pradtf] sangeeta> that's using your noodle!

and as she left I bid her adios: [pradtf] pasta la vista

Then Rachel mentioned a tomato soup Kirksey had made for her which she said he claimed he'd gotten from Ranjana. This was a total surprise to Ranjana because she had never given Kirksey any recipe. So this is a mystery that needs solving - where indeed did Kirksey get the recipe from? In any case, it provided opportunities:

[imvegan] all, this talk of food has made us VEG out I guess...

and: [pradtf] did you know that tomatos grow by themselves? it's quite automatoic

and the very clever: [Michael] my sTOMATCH TOo i requireing some food so I'll leave for now

Larry continued working on his sermon now into overdrive: [papa_bear] my uncle MARK is fAMOuS in the neighborhood because HEBREWS his own beer. But he got drunk and when he JUDE his food, he didn't chew it thoroughly. He choked. Fortunately, my brother JOHN ACTS fast, and slapped his back to JOELt the obstruction out of his throat. After sharing that REVELATION I'm exhausted.

Ranjana was most impressed and impressive: [imvegan] papa_bear> that is a sign of genisus {genisus (geniuses) = genisis}

Fjord quipped to Larry, "Which translation of the bible you are using"

but Larry quipped back: [papa_bear] fjord> AlMOSt any translation should do.

and I added: [pradtf] papa_bear> i guess some could call this imbibling {imbible = imbibe meaning to drink}

Larry recovered from his exhaustion: [papa_bear] I have enough material here to PHILEMONth's worth of sermons!

and Ranjana provided support: [imvegan] papa_bear> or bibbling on.... as the brook

and a bit more encouragement from me: [pradtf] papa_bear> it will be quite a sermonstration!!

Fjord commented in admiration: [fjord] papa_bear> i should visit your church; it must be filled with laughter

to which Larry asked: [papa_bear] fjord> would that make you the PROVERBSial prodigal pun? {proverbial prodigal son}

By now Rachel and Kirksey were engrossed in a fight over the soup, so I commented: [pradtf] remora91> i don't think you and your father are being very souphisticated

and Ranjana suggested: [imvegan] remora91> now tell me what soup? did you have it for soupper? {soupper = supper}

and Fjord continued: [fjord] imvegan> No it was souper {souper = super}

Larry reflecting on his efforts: [papa_bear] imvegan> I'm on fire tonight! PSALMbody stop me!

Then he contemplated: [papa_bear] imvegan> maybe it's divine inspiration.

but I suggested: [pradtf] papa_bear> or psalmistry! {as in palmistry}

Larry continued with a little concern: [papa_bear] if I preach poorly I might get fired from the canon

but Ranjana turned it around: [imvegan] papa_bear> then you'll be cannonized

I tried to help too: [pradtf] papa_bear> won't you preach from a Leviticustern? {preaching takes place from a lecturn}

Dyl showed up around now, but Fjord left explaining that there was no connection.

Ranjana explained what had been happening to him: [imvegan] yes we've had quite a punversation

Rachel said that she wasn't really involved in all this because she still had dignity. Then she added that her comment had backfired. No one understood what she meant, but then I figured it out. Rachel had been after me for weeks to do silly things (which I am obviously incapable of), but I had refused because I had too much dignity. Now she finds she has heaped a considerable amount of this dignity on herself too.

In any case, Larry had to leave at this point which was just as well, because Rachel and Dyl started fighting with each other on a variety of issues. First it was venomous snakes. Then it was about cricket. Then it was about blowing things up like cornstarch and fruit (the latter proved to be too much for Ranjana who went off to make a smoothie). Then about Martha Stewart even though Dyl didn't have the foggiest idea who she was. Then Rachel left for a bit and I talked to Dyl about cricket bats. When she came back, she was ready to fight some more and on the forums too. So Dyl figured he would post something quickly and then head off to bed before Rachel could reply. However, before he could do this, I cleverly departed to write up this most marvellous chat, leaving the two siblings at each others mercy!